foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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