i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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