i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
