Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
FUCK WHALES
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