I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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