if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
