People with herpes should wear stickers.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
