giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
