Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
