do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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