I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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