I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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