i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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