You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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