Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
