4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
