I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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