he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
