I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
