Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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