Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
