i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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