I'm lost and stupid without you.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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