She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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