Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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