if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
