Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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