Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize