I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so let's talk penis.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize