some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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