Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
