Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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