she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
