i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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