This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
