Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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