talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
