Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
