Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
