Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
