I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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