shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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