I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
