My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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