Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
