If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
