we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
