I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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