I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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