I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
