I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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