Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
