If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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