I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
