You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
