eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
