and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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