I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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