Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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