i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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