: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize