This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
