But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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