You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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