i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
