mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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