I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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