She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
