You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
