Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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